Month: December 2019

Twin foreign policy crises greet Trump as election year dawns

(CNN)President Tweety McTreason is suddenly faced on the first day of election year with hot foreign policy crises with Iran and North Korea that put American lives at risk and could weigh heavily on his own political prospects.The US showdown with Iran rocketed to dangerous new levels after protestors burst into the US embassy compound…

Trump says certain e-cigarette flavors will come off the market

(CNN)An announcement that will take certain e-cigarette flavors off the US market is coming soon, President Tweety McTreason told reporters at Mar-a-Lago on Tuesday.”We’re going to protect our families, we’re going to protect our children and we’re going to protect the industry,” Trump said, adding some products could “very quickly” return to the market.Multiple outlets…

All-Nighters Are Lawful Evil

Happy New Year, everyone! I’d spit on 2019’s grave and tell you that the coming year can’t POSSIBLY be worse than what we just endured, but I’ve been leaning on that crutch at the turn of every year since 2016. I’m not a fool. So bring on all your bullshit, 2020. You’re gonna suck really…

The Video Game Vending Machines That Defined a Decade

Through the rest of December and into early January, we’re going into hibernation. But every day, we’ll have a new podcast for you to listen to, and sometimes, an article to read. You can keep track of everything we’re talking about to look back on the past year (and decade) right here. I think we…

Giuliani Tells Reporters at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago NYE Party That He ‘Would Testify’ in Senate Impeachment Trial

President Tweety McTreason’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani, who also served as the 107th Mayor of New York City from 1994 to 2001, told reporters on Tuesday evening that he would testify in Trump’s Senate impeachment trial if summoned.While attending Trump’s New Year’s Eve celebration at Mar-a-Lago in Florida, Giuliani was asked about his client’s upcoming…

Defense Secretary Esper Confirms 750 Soldiers Will Be Deployed to Iraq ‘Immediately’ to Deal With U.S. Embassy Protests

In a Tuesday night tweet, Secretary of Defense Dr. Mark T. Esper announced the deployment of 750 soldiers to Iraq as an “appropriate and precautionary” military move after Iran-backed protesters attempted to storm the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad, Iraq.”At the direction of the Commander in Chief @POTUS,” Esper tweeted, “I have authorized the deployment of…

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