1.
“React” by the Pussycat Dolls.
Merlin / youtube.com
One of THE best songs of 2020 — if not the best.
2.
“Into You” by Ariana Grande.
Republic Records / youtube.com
No, this song didn’t remotely flop…but it should have been No. 1 for 74 weeks.
3.
Ashley O’s entire discography.
Netflix
The most powerful two-song discography ever.
4.
Anything JoJo released after age 13.
Atlantic Records / youtube.com
A talented vocalist with amazing songs released after she was a teen, if only the general public could see that. 😭
5.
Aly & AJ’s “Potential Breakup Song,” explicit version.
Hollywood Records
It’s crazy how much of a difference one “fucking” makes.
6.
Most early-2000s Celine Dion, like “I Drove All Night” and “A New Day Has Come.”
Sony BMG
The era when only moms and gays listened to her.
7.
“Tell Him” by Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand.
Sony BMG
I firmly believe the “Tell Him” video is the gayest music video ever made.
8.
Nicola Roberts’s Cinderella Eyes album.
UMGI
If you know, you know. Cinderella Eyes is one of the greatest solo records from a former girl group member ever.
9.
“Physical” by Dua Lipa.
UMGI
This is on this list because if gay people decided, “Physical” would have been the biggest hit off of Future Nostalgia.
10.
“Cool for the Summer” by Demi Lovato.
Hollywood Records / youtube.com
Straight people never got the memo that “Cool for the Summer” has been the song of the summer for the past six years.
11.
Tinashe’s entire music career.
RCA / youtube.com
It’s 2021 and I’m still waiting for Tinashe to get the respect she deserves.
12.
Britney Spears’ Glory album, but especially “Slumber Party.”
RCA Records
In 2016, Britney Spears released her best album in a decade. “Slumber Party” was an obvious hit song, with her best video of the 2010s.
13.
Little Mix (in the US).
Syco Music / youtube.com
Little Mix deserves Spice Girl–level fame. End of story.
14.
“Sledgehammer” by Fifth Harmony.
Syco Music / youtube.com
Heterosexuals were just not ready for this Meghan Trainor–written bop.
15.
Kelis’s Fleshtone album.
Iamkelis / youtube.com
“4th of July (Fireworks)” should be the gay national anthem.
16.
“I Luh Ya Papi” by Jennifer Lopez.
UMG / youtube.com
A J.Lo classic that most heterosexuals don’t even know exists.
17.
Leighton Meester’s “Heartstrings” album.
Hotly Wanting / youtube.com
A triumph and a masterpiece. If you are heterosexual and haven’t listened to this album. then you know what you need to do: fucking listen to it!!!
18.
Bonnie McKee
Bonnie McKee Music / youtube.com
She keeps on trying, and straight people keep on letting her down.
19.
Rina Sawayama’s album.
Dirty Hit / Avex Trax
On Chromatica, heterosexuality is limited, iced coffee is free, and Rina Sawayama is a household name.
20.
Kim Petras’s Turn Off the Light album.
BunHead
A Halloween-themed pop album. Her mind.
21.
“G.U.Y.” by Lady Gaga.
Interscope / youtube.com
Like most gay things, “G.U.Y.” was ahead of its time.
22.
Sky Ferreira.
Capitol Records / youtube.com
Sky Ferreira: a name only gays and Williamsburg hipsters know.
23.
“Get Outta My Way” by Kylie Minogue.
WMG / youtube.com
It’s 2021 and straight people have still relegated Kylie Minogue to Madonna’s shadow, and that is not okay.
24.
Kylie Minogue’s Disco album.
Darenote
Her opus.
25.
The Burlesque soundtrack.
RCA
Play “Express” at my funeral.
26.
“She Wolf” by Shakira.
Epic
Straight people just never talk about this one.
27.
“How to Be a Heartbreaker” by Marina and the Diamonds.
WMG / youtube.com
Maybe the video was too much for straight people?
28.
Christina Aguilera’s Bionic album.
RCA
Bionic turned out to be ahead of its time. “Woohoo,” “Desnudate,” and my personal favorite, “Birds of Prey.” Classics!
29.
G.R.L., the group.
SME/youtube.com
G.R.L. could have been *that* girl group, but the heterosexual population decided otherwise.
30.
“Dancing on My Own” by Robyn.
Konichiwa Records / youtube.com
This song has a cultlike straight following, but that’s not enough. This should have been a multi-sexuality smash.
31.
Mariah Carey’s entire Caution album.
32.
The singles from Katy Perry’s last album — that I already forget what it was called.
Capitol Records / youtube.com
Katy Perry released her best songs since “Teenage Dream,” but no one cared.
33.
Most songs by Zara Larsson.
34.
Anything Tove Lo released after “Habits.”
Universal Music / youtube.com
From “Glad He’s Gone” to “Disco Tits” to “I’m Coming.” So many good songs.
35.
The pop songs from A Star Is Born.
Warner Bros.
Ally could do Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir,” but Led Zeppelin could never do “Why Did You Do That?”
36.
“Vroom Vroom” by Charli XCX.
BMI / youtube.com
I could have put Charli XCX’s entire music career, but that would be a lie because straight people love “Boom Clap.”
37.
“Commander” by Kelly Rowland.
Universal Motown Records / youtube.com
Kelly Rowland has made some of the best dance music of our time! It’s sad that straight people only know her from Destiny’s Child.
38.
“Motivation” by Normani.
RCA Records / youtube.com
I’m sorry, but I blame straight people for there being no second Normani single yet. It’s been over a year!
39.
Betty Who’s entire discography besides “Somebody Loves You” because of that one viral video.
RCA / youtube.com
Because if there’s a pride parade, Betty Who will surely be performing there.
41.
Any Carly Rae Jepsen song besides “Call Me Maybe.”
42.
And “Sparks” by Hilary Duff.
SME / youtube.com
Because I will never not be disgusted that this wasn’t a hit.
