Steve April 8, 2021

Former Vice President Mike Pence snagged a seven-figure book deal with Simon & Schuster and the gags came thick and fast on Twitter.

Some critics suggested mocking titles for Pence’s upcoming autobiography, which is slated for release in 2023 and will reportedly center on his journey “from a small town in Indiana to Washington, DC,” per a press release.

“I did it his way,” one person quipped about a name for the memoir, referencing Pence’s complicity in Donald Trump’s White House:

Another added: “It’ll be a downloadable PDF, as there’s no chance it has a spine.”

They have pre-released all the salient information contained in the book in two pages:

— 10 Yds from the COVID end zone. Don’t stop now. (@digdeepandgo) April 7, 2021

Volume 1 – How I Allowed AIDS to Kill People in Indiana

Volume 2 – How I Helped Trump Allow Covid19 to Kill People in the United States.

— Darla (@carly__bird) April 7, 2021

First prize is a book from Mike Pence. Second prize? Two books from Mike Pence.

— Craig Beilinson (@cbeilinson) April 7, 2021

Title of the Mike Pence book : ‘The Day My Boss Tried To Kill Me’

— Phillydude (@Fairwinds10) April 7, 2021

@simonschuster I have a great title/cover idea for the new Mike Pence book. DM me if you want my rates!!!

— David Leheny (@David_Leheny) April 7, 2021

Mike Pence should title his book ‘Dangerously Bland.’

— Lilit (@lilit_1921) April 8, 2021

Mike Pence book title “I did it his way–”

— David (@Tecumseh_1) April 7, 2021

the first book title: “why did people hate my boss”

the second book title: “how I dodged the execution”

— Daily Cartoons (@DaylieKartunes) April 7, 2021

“Currently Untitled” is a great title for a book about Mike Pence.

— CravesZ (@ZCRvs) April 8, 2021

That’s the clever title of the book Covid-500k: The Faith of Mike Pence

— Ontheslabs (@ontheslabs) April 7, 2021

Will be legit disappointed if the fly doesn’t provide the forward to Mike Pence’s book

— TrivWorks (@TrivWorks) April 7, 2021

It’ll be a downloadable PDF, as there’s no chance it has a spine.

— Fid (@RandyFidler) April 7, 2021

Working title:

“Are you there, God? It’s me, Mike …

… Mike Pence. No, PENCE. It’s Mike Pence here. Hello?”

— BebopSpaceCowgirl 🌈💖💚❤️💙💜 (@jomareewade) April 7, 2021

“Honey, My Boss Tried to Get Me Killed” could be a good title.

— Robert Strand 🇺🇸🇳🇴🇸🇪🇩🇰🇫🇮🇮🇸 (@robertgstrand) April 7, 2021

In my own words: How I Mismanaged a Pandemic

— It’s Outta Here! (@jawjaboy) April 7, 2021

“Art of the Kneel?”

— TrivWorks (@TrivWorks) April 7, 2021

Against the Mike Pence book deal, but “American Coward: My Joyless, Sexless Life as a Lackey” is a great title.

— Dean Bakopoulos (@DeanBakopoulos) April 8, 2021

I am committed to reading Mike Pence’s book if he titles it “Mother”

— Brian Guest (@brguest20) April 8, 2021

The title of Mike Pence’s book is “A Fly On The Wall And Other Places”.

— Brian Freinik (@bfreinik) April 7, 2021

Mike Pence doesn’t have two single original thoughts to even fill two pages worth of material for a book, so expect a lot of variations of —

I ❤️Donald Trump.

I ❤️Donald Trump.

I ❤️Donald Trump.

I ❤️Donald Trump.

I ❤️Donald Trump.

I ❤️Donald Trump.

I ❤️Donald Trump.

— Fernand R. Amandi (@AmandiOnAir) April 7, 2021

Mike Pence signs book deal..

Light romance, a bit of saucy slap and tickle, or a whodunnit? Can’t wait 🍿👀📖

— Phil Lavelle 📺 (@phillavelle) April 7, 2021

Here’s how the story goes:

Mike Pence publishes a book written by someone else.

A PR firm buys enough books to make Pence a NYT bestselling “author.”

Pence goes on tour signing books he did not write.

Mike Pence’s books end up at Goodwill.

The end.

— Jamie Ford (@JamieFord) April 7, 2021

Mike Pence writing a book? Hmmm, title options:

“How to Suck Up To A Dictator “

“I’m Hung…Actually, Trump Tried To Have Me Hung”

“How to Successfully Do Absolutely Nothing For Four Years”

“Mother Knows Best”

— Suz 🔄🌊 (@SuzyQresists) April 7, 2021

Mike Pence book signing

— TrivWorks (@TrivWorks) April 7, 2021

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