Steve May 2, 2022
straight-men-are-sharing-the-weird-things-they-were-told-not-to-do-because-it’s-“gay,”-and-it’s-only-further-proof-of-just-how-archaic-fragile-masculinity-is

Apparently using straws, taking showers daily, and drinking wine are all things that are considered “gay.” 🤦🏻‍♂️

It’s absolutely no secret that men grow up fearing being perceived as not “manly enough.” And while we know those fears stem from fragile masculinity, that whole construct only exists because society reinforces it. This leads to men constantly being told their whole lives about what things they shouldn’t do because it could lead people into thinking they’re weak or even…gay.

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And let’s be honest, a lot of the things men are told not to do, say, or feel because they might be perceived as gay are just plain silly. In fact, some things they’re told not to do are downright confusing.

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Well, last year, Reddit user Biscuitgod1 wanted to know just that and even had a thread go viral after he asked: “Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because ‘that’s gay’?”

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1. “Rejected a girl’s advances. She said that I must suck more dick than her. I told her we’re about equal at 0.”

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Lichsenate

“I’ve had this happen. Like, damn, what kind of ego makes someone determine ‘if this person isn’t into me, it can only be because they are not sexually attracted to my gender’?”

Thesadzombie

2. “When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally.”

Lisa5201 / Getty Images/iStockphoto

3. “Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke.”

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KentuckyFriedEel


“If you didn’t start with it you definitely go straight into ‘Fuck You’ for an encore, while maintaining contact with them the entire time, obviously.”

OnlyGrimLeader

4. “Buying a white iPhone.”

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Freshrendar


“I have a pink phone. I always take my wife’s old one when she upgrades. I don’t give a shit. It’s in a case anyway. I work construction, no one has ever said anything. I also use my wife’s pink flowery coffee mugs sometimes if mine is dirty. If the color of your phone is the only thing standing between you and unbridled homosexuality, um, I got some news for you.”

youvegotnail

5. “Sunscreen. One of my friends told me that sunscreen is ‘gay.’ The UV was 11.”

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6. “Not a straight man, but back in my bartending days, I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said, ‘If I wanted dessert, I’d order wings like a real man.’ Weird flex, but okay.”

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7. “I’ve been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!”

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“My father was a Marine drill instructor in the ’50s. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?

Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it.”

desrever1138

“Damnit, I’m cooking right now. Sigh, I’ll go tell the misses no more sexy time.”

RawPeanut99

8. “This one time, at summer camp, this guy who’d just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. ‘But don’t stare too long,’ he said, ‘because that’s gay.’ You were the one who told me to look in the first place!”

Starz Digital

9. “Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes.”

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10. “Play as a female video game character.”

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qt-uwu


“How would that work playing Tomb Raider? It also never seemed to me as designed to be a particularly feminine game.”

Lvcivs2311

11. “When I was 10 or so, I brought an umbrella to school on a rainy day with the colors red, yellow, green, and blue. My dad of all people told me to never use that umbrella again because the colors too closely resembled a rainbow, which stood for homosexuality. I was fucking 10, I was far from puberty and had no idea. I just wanted to stay dry and grabbed the only umbrella available at the time.”

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ThaDFunkee

“My grandad believed that using any umbrella was unmanly. He wouldn’t have said gay, but it may have been at least a little implied. Definitely a bit effeminate. But he was also born 100-ish years ago in Glasgow (Scotland, so wearing something resembling a skirt would be fine), and has been dead 20 years.

We have no idea why he believed that. Why on earth is it either manly or straight to get unnecessarily wet?”

victoriaj

12. “I left a pickup basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk-in.”

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patricksaurus

“That’s some dumb shit. I’m only getting a buzz cut, but I don’t want to wait around until they can fit me in. Hence, an appointment.”

QualifiedApathetic

13. “I was told that using the word ‘assumption’ made me gay. This guy thought big words made me an intellectual and in his mind: intellectual = gay.”

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14. “My best friend is vegetarian. Not even vegan, he eats cheese and eggs still. Anyhow, everyone asks if he’s gay when they learn this. It’s absurd.”

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Belligerent-J

“Vegan here (can’t help but to announce myself, typical)!

Can confirm I have been called gay by family, friends and work colleagues since I switched over to veganism 🤦🏻‍♂️.”

rossboi

15. “Use a straw. Bear in mind, I was drinking boba tea.”

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16. “Order a Shirley Temple.”

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WillsWei22


“My boyfriend loves Shirley Temples. He’s not a big drinker, but he’ll sometimes get a ‘Dirty Shirley.’ I love when a waiter comes over with our drinks and puts the ‘girly’ one in front of me. No sir, the fruity cocktail is for the gentleman, the beer is for me, LOL.”

excitedboat44

17. “I used to sit with one leg over the other and got called gay. I wore a turtleneck with a cardigan and got called gay. Funnily enough, I tried not to be gay by emulating my macho brother, who then came out at 27.”

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Karatekan

“To be honest dude, I’m picturing a psychiatrist in a 1970s movie, rather than a homosexual!”

Nosferatatron

18. “Listening to an ABBA song.”

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“I’ll shamelessly sing along to ‘Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)’ any time, any place. If it slaps, it slaps.”

FlinkDroid

“‘Dancing Queen’ slaps and you can’t convince me otherwise.”

Sart_Bimpson_

19. “Eating fruits and vegetables. I just…?”

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20. “One of my wife’s friends was splitting up from her boyfriend. Apparently, all was okay until they moved in together, then his slobbish ways were too much. One of his things was constant skid marks in his underwear. It seems he thought that wiping his arse properly was ‘for gays.'”

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Major_Twang

“I’ve heard/met guys who think like this before. They feel that anything ‘between the cheeks’ is gay. Including washing there.

Gross.”

TheGasIsLit

21. “I don’t remember what I said, but I had complimented a friend about something on Tumblr about a decade ago. Someone messaged me warning me to be careful ’cause people might think I was gay — for just being polite and saying something nice to a friend of mine!”

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22. “Eat a banana or a hot dog. Apparently, eating food you like in some type of way or picking it because you’re trying to save some money means you’re ‘gay.’ Sometimes people say something in passing and they need to mind their own business.”

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23. “Let’s see if I can remember all of them: driving a convertible, drinking hot tea, having a cat, wearing a sweater, showering daily, keeping cigarettes in a cigarette case, wearing shorts, and wearing shoes other than work boots.”

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24. “So, I mostly drink wine when I’m out at bars and restaurants, etc. It’s because when I got to legal drinking age, doctors just found out I had celiacs — so beer is off the table. Apparently, if you’re a guy drinking wine, you’re gay!”

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“Went out with this really cute girl, we went for a walk and after that decided to grab a drink. She wanted to have a white wine but wasn’t sure what to get, I suggested a nice little Sauvignon blanc and I feel like we had a pretty good time. We both went home, and after checking if she got home safe and asking when I was gonna see her again, she responded saying I knew a little bit too much about wine for a guy (I literally only knew a couple of names and whether I usually liked those or not, nothing specific) so she was sure I was gay. Ghosted me since then.”

FlinkDroid

*confused French person noises*

BarelyBearableHuman

25. “Not me, because I’m gay. But apparently, when my straight guy friends talk with me, people think they are gay. Like, what?”

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YuIshigami145


“Some people don’t understand that you can have friends who are different sexualities, or not wanting to fuck your female friends.”

UshouldknowR

You can read the full thread of responses on Reddit.

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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