Steve August 26, 2020

President Tweety McTreason demanded that both himself and former Vice President Joe Biden submit to a drug test ahead of the presidential debates, arguing that there is “no way” that Biden suddenly got this good at debating.

“Nobody thought that he was even going to win. Because his debate performances were so bad,” Trump said in an interview with the Washington Examiner on Wednesday.

“Frankly, his best performance was against Bernie,” he added. “We’re going to call for a drug test, by the way, because his best performance was against Bernie. It wasn’t that he was Winston Churchill because he wasn’t, but it was a normal, boring debate. You know, nothing amazing happened. And we are going to call for a drug test because there’s no way — you can’t do that.”

“I don’t know how he could have been so incompetent in his debate performances and then all of a sudden be OK against Bernie,” added Trump.

“My point is, if you go back and watch some of those numerous debates, he was so bad. He wasn’t even coherent. And against Bernie, he was. And we’re calling for a drug test,” he said.

It is unclear who would perform the drug tests Trump is calling for, or whether he would make the results public.

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